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hallelujahjesus
hallelujahjesus
He's sooooooo cute.

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Current Mood: bouncy bouncy
Current Music: Muse

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hallelujahjesus
I've spent most of my life trying to get away. Going out, spending the night at friends' houses. I could never stand being at home. Home was a ticking bomb concocted from hordes of daycare kids, no space and the constant weighty pressure of my arguing parents. Now my dad is gone and I find myself doing the same thing. I'm always keeping myself overly busy; always going out. As a result I wasn't really letting things get to me when everybody else was. But now things are starting to slow down and I find myself at home, alone, far too often. Now the sadness has really set in. I find myself awake at four in the morning just crying. Crying because of more factors than I could ever even hope to recall. I've started to make a tangible effort to be at home more often. I've already decided to forfeit my ticket to Bonnaroo. And now I'm alone, here. My mom and sister are always out. It's ironic. I'm staying home to be close to the people that need me -the people I need- and now they're gone. I've missed the boat for being sad. That ship has sailed. People were telling me left and right that I could call them for advice, to vent; anything. But I feel like that offer has expired now.

So now I'm up every morning until four, crying because now I'm the foundation of this family. I didn't ask for this. I never signed up to volunteer as being the bricks and mortar for a family! Crying because before my dad became a full-time prick, he was actually a pretty great guy. I watched a man dissolve before my eyes. Slowly, but surely he was reduced to an irate fool, stumbling around the house, covered in his own filth, bleeding along the floors, yet still barking orders at everyone within reach as if he was a four-star general. I fucking hate him for doing this to me. I miss who he was. I hate who he became. I hate him for so much that he has done to me and to my sister. I don't believe that alcoholism is a disease. I believe that he was weak. I've got too much to stick around for; too much to accomplish to burn away because of something as foolish as booze. I don't like my situation, but it's not my place to like it. It's my place to deal with it and take care of my family, now.

Current Mood: melancholy melancholy
Current Music: Cat's in the Cradle

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hallelujahjesus
My dad just died. He's fucking dead. Fuck this, man. Fuck it. This has been the worst fucking schoolyear. I've lost so much. It just doesn't feel worth it sometimes.
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hallelujahjesus
So my dad is in the hospital right now. It looks pretty bad. His kidneys aren't working and neither is his liver, really. He's got Jhondis, liver cirrhosis and he's bleeding internally, likely from an ulcer. I've been up all night and all day talking to relatives and trying to calm down 3 distressed sisters and my frantic mom. So, I don't know. I've been really bored. There isn't anything to do and I can't really go anywhere (at least right now,) so if I don't answer your call or IM, that is why.

Current Mood: exhausted exhausted

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hallelujahjesus
Today was quite a downer. I woke up to my mom crying and yelling because she's losing another kid from our daycare. We've already lost probably 5 or 6 this year. That's more than ever. It really points a finger at how bad our economy has gotten. If nobody has a job there isn't any need for daycare. She's talking about picking up a second job at night, which breaks my heart to even think about. She already does so much. Too much, really. I'm working on getting a job right now, too. Cayce might be getting me a job doing some filing, which would be a dream come true for me and I've got a hookup at Beaumont, so I might be getting a job there. Either one sounds pretty solid to me. School this year was just about enough to make me want a full-time job without returning to and colleges. Summer vacation hasn't been so great, but I still have high hopes.

Current Mood: pensive pensive

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hallelujahjesus
Today I say Spider-Man 3, which, really, wasn't very good. Topher Grace is officially the anti-venom. Sandman was a total bad ass, though. I fucking love that character. Venom was so much wasted potential. Such a creepy and dark character wasn't utilized nearly enough. His fight lasted all of about 4 minutes. Lame. The movie also had way to many scenes that were lighthearted and cheesy. There is a need for those kind of scenes in a movie such as this, yes, but in this case they went way too far. With a million inconsequential subplots unfolding at any given time it was impossible to invest any interest in any single one.

Current Mood: disappointed I wasn't expecting much

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hallelujahjesus
Means that I'm going to Bonnaroo!




The White Stripes, Flaming Lips, Wolfmother, Tool, Ziggy Marley, Kings of Leon, the Police and the Black Keys in one weekend? Oh, jeez.

Current Mood: chipper broke
Current Music: See above

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hallelujahjesus


Is that normal?

Current Mood: anxious Leto-y
Current Music: 30 Seconds to Mars (aka the greatest band ever, omfgz)

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hallelujahjesus
My Gecko died. This was basically how my week started. A catalyst for all of the rest of the bullshit that would be soon to follow. But, don't worry. I don't even care. I'm actually in a pretty good mood.

THINGS YOU don't NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME:

1. I am now single. For real.

2. I have one week of school left after this one, so I'm going to have to get my ass in gear and get busy to finish everything up for finals.

3. I have a 10 page paper to do, but, luckily, I'm on page 8 right now.

4. I am taking 2 summer classes at Macomb.

5. I should probably find a job for the summer.

Current Mood: complacent complacent
Current Music: Dirty Pretty Things - Gin and Milk

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hallelujahjesus
Finals are going to suck! I'm not too happy about them. I AM happy, however about the fact that it's almost summer, despite the fact that it is 31 degrees outside and snowing, with winds up to around 50 mph. Yeah, summer.

I think my gecko is about to die. He won't eat or open his eyes, and he's usually just limp and lifeless all the time now. I gave him some water and I put him on his heat rock. I think I should just leave him alone. I just hope he's comfortable and not in any pain.

I went out to lunch with Steph today. It was nice to catch up with her.

I officially have less than three dollars left in my wallet! : ]

Current Mood: sympathetic sympathetic
Current Music: Rock my World - Michael Jackson

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